Too fast, too loud
by lovesfinchel
Summary: "Are they always this loud?" Rachel screeched at her dorm mate, dodging hair being flung back and forth frantically by a longhaired man standing next to her. Foolishly, Rachel attends a concert at Kitty's request and she regrets every second, until she meets rock god, Finn Hudson. A/U
1. Chapter 1

"Are they always this loud?" Rachel screeched at her dorm mate, dodging hair being flung back and forth frantically by a longhaired man standing next to her. Just a second ago his hair had whipped her right in the face and it had hurt, like a bitch. And trying to avoid being overly judgey but failing miserably, Rachel thought it smelled something like dirty straw. In her opinion it needed a shit load of conditioning before he continued mistreating it by head banging.

It wasn't that Rachel didn't like loud music. It was just that this… cacophony of sound was mostly noise. The drums clashed with the bass and the guitars twanged at a decibel Rachel wasn't sure was even legal in this state. It lacked harmony and made her ears bleed. And it couldn't escape the tiny space they were trapped in. There was a stage at the front, a bar at the back and a throng of people swallowing up all the air in the room, and replacing it with the stench of sweat. They were definitely breeching the fire code. But hundreds of enthralled people were shouting back the lyrics as the lead singer screamed, so Rachel figured she was missing something important here.

"You're late." The flashing light that was timed to the beat of the drums lit up Kitty's face. Rachel wanted to tell her that she was late because this venue was impossible to find. Some non-descript warehouse in Bushwick. It was hardly Carnegie Hall.

Kitty either hadn't heard Rachel's earlier question or chose to ignore it. Instead she draped the backstage pass around Rachel's neck and tucked it into her sweater, out of sight. She violently dragged her forward into a thumping mosh pit. Bodies banged against each other and smashed into both of them. Rachel nearly toppled over. Engaging her core, and planting her feet she barely managed to stay upright while everyone, including her newest friend thrashed around her.

Rachel would've never guessed this was Kitty's idea of a fun time. She was a svelte blonde, who yes, mostly wore monochromatic black, but she also prayed daily and routinely ate kale and chickpea salad. Since college had started, Rachel didn't think Kitty had gone to bed later than nine thirty and she hadn't caught any boys in her room past curfew. People were allowed to have dimensions to their personalities, but to be such polar opposites was downright weird. At least it was weird to Rachel. She much preferred people who were exactly as they seemed.

The band launched into a second chorus of the tenth song they'd played. By now Rachel's body had grown numb to the push and pull waves of the crowd. She moved in unison with them, like they were some anamorphous being. They were vibrating in tandem.

Recognising the theme of lost love in the shouty lyrics, Rachel thought the drums were really the standout. Having lost sight of her friend, Rachel spotted Kitty being hauled up onto the shoulders of some random guy. She had never seen him before and she was familiar with most males who had ever invaded their dorm. Not in a creepy way but it was her job, being the R.A and all. And, besides Kitty was adamant she didn't know anyone in New York. She'd just moved here from Ohio. That's why she begged Rachel to come with her. Kitty droned on about this show as a once in a lifetime opportunity and Rachel had firmly decided to take more risks this year. College would soon be behind her.

Even though it had very little to do with her, Rachel congratulated her city on its hidden friendliness. People were often impatient in New York, brutal even to tourists. Rachel couldn't see the stage, or the band, what with the people being thrown around in her general direction but this guy stepped up to help a stranger get a better view and that was cool.

Until it wasn't cool. The random dude's motive became crystal clear. Kitty, perched on the guys shoulders waved her arms frantically, as if she was signalling for attention. Then without any finesse whatsoever, she reached down and pulled the hem of her band shirt up, exposing her bare chest to all around. Rachel was no prude, and usually had no problem with nudity – she'd seen a student performance of Hair! But Kitty's expose had set off a boob chain reaction all around.

It was freaking boobageddon.

Rachel gasped, shocked at her sudden proximity of so many breasts. Girls of all shapes and sizes, breasts of all shapes and sizes were all swinging in the wind. Or bouncing, depending on their natural or enhanced buoyancy. Didn't girls wear bras anymore, Rachel wondered. She wanted to close her eyes and back right out of the crowded room but that would mean she would be off balance and more likely to tip right over.

The song ended and the lead singer expressed his appreciation for the startling view he must have gotten. He was obviously used to it.

"Thanks, ladies," he bantered with the crowd, his voice laced with laughter, "That never gets old. And guys, don't be douches, what happened in this warehouse, stays in this warehouse, right? Only a bagful of dicks would fuck up any of our girls."

His invisible presence began another song. One with a lot less screaming. Another voice, a smoother, maybe older voice broke in and deepened the song, transforming it. Rachel stood on her tip-toes to try to get a look at the band, especially the owner of the sweet voice, but Kitty slid down the back of her benefactor and grabbed Rachel's hand. This time Kitty was leading her away from the mass of bodies and into a back alley.

The music was muffled from outside the building but the alley was packed with people too. Instead of sweat, the outside air was stale with cigarette smoke. "Its not over," Rachel stated the obvious, her ears ringing, unpleasantly. She may never hear normally again.

"I know," Kitty smiled, taking a swig of a bottle of beer she had mysteriously acquired. She tilted her head towards a queue forming outside a red door. "We want to get in there early though. Give us the best opportunity of being noticed. And getting the best booze."

"You're not twenty-one, Kitty." Rachel tried to turn off the disapproving tone. She'd learned to hide it in her two years of listening to possibly every shameful secret her freshmen confessed. "We should go back to the dorm."

Rachel expected Kitty to be angry but she actually seemed nervous and a little reluctant. It didn't stop her from joining the line of agitated fans. "No. I know I shouldn't drink and I'm sorry but really," Kitty's tone became dark. "An opportunity like this doesn't come along very often. If at all!"

Deciding to inject some realism into the situation, Rachel scoffed. "Kitty, you're eighteen. I know now everything seems far away but they'll be plenty of concerts in your future. This band seems," Rachel swallowed, "adequately talented."

"Of course they're talented! They were on the cover of Rolling Stone this month! How have you never you heard of them? Sebastian Symthe. Sam Evans. Noah Puckerman. Finn Hudson."

Rachel shook her head and whispered, "I haven't." She may have looked the part, thanks to the constrictive black skinny jeans and tall biker boots she'd borrowed from Quinn but her admission would draw the ire of the fans milling around. Especially the ones without a backstage pass.

Huffing, Kitty let out her frustrations. "Rachel," she bit out her name and slowed her words down for maximum impact, "This was a secret show. Only three hundred tickets were sold. Only twenty people got backstage passes. At least a quarter of them will be fan boys. I want to meet my band. I want to be with these guys."

"Be with them?" Rachel asked, confused.

"Don't play dumb. You know I mean sex. I want them to be my first."

"Which one?" she replied, flippantly. She clearly needed to think before she spoke. She needed a sip of Kitty misappropriated beer to calm down. "All of them?"

"One of them. Any of them! All of them! I don't care."

Kitty stared Rachel down, issuing her a challenge. Rachel panicked. None of her R.A training was ever titled ' _How to deter any of your freshmen from losing their virginity in a rock star orgy'_. And she couldn't leave Kitty here. She had unwittingly taken responsibility of her when she'd agreed to this nightmarish folly. She really couldn't just leave her to the mercy of those screeching barbarians. Sure, she didn't know they were barbarians but she knew the reputation of rock bands. She read gossip blogs, just like everyone else. Money, sex, drugs, groupies.

Hesitating, Rachel realised that's exactly what Kitty was. A groupie.

"Don't you want your first time to be romantic? With someone you love?"

"Is that how it happened with you?" Kitty's eyes narrowed with scepticism.

Rachel's pulse quickened. Kitty couldn't possibly know about her first time. "Yes."

"How did that work out for you?"

Rachel's eyes pricked, shiny with tears but she blinked them away. Her tongue seemed thick in her mouth and her throat had seized up.

Trying a different tack, Kitty said, "I want it to be good. With these guys I know it will be good. At the very least."

There was absolutely no way Rachel could let Kitty go through with this. Inside, with her backstage pass she could speak to about Kitty's ill-advised notion. A manager, a publicity person. Someone who ensured silly girls didn't lose their heads, or other parts of themselves to four rock gods.

"Fine." Rachel rolled her eyes as she took her place behind Kitty in the ever-growing line of fans. Keeping a tight grip onto her backstage pass under her shirt, Rachel tried not to be annoyed by the constant jostling of other fans.

The red door swung open and a huge guy blocked the entrance of the room. He looked bemused as the girls at the front of the line tried flirty words, coy glances and unsubtle groping as a green light, but his threatening physique put the girls off and they slunk away, dissuaded.

The buzz of anticipation grew as the line progressed. Butterflies fluttering in her stomach felt more like dragons somersaulting and breathing fire. Kitty hand her hand so tightly, she was likely to bend the silver rings she had lent Rachel.

"You go first," Kitty hissed and pushed Rachel forward, nudging the behemoth. He could probably snap Rachel in two.

"Uh, here's my pass," Rachel pulled it out from under her sweater. The huge man turned it over, checking the details before he let it drop against her.

"Spread 'em," he growled, making short work of a vigorous pat down. She felt incredibly violated.

"Phone," he barked, holding out his hand.

"Sorry, what?" Rachel's brow furrowed.

"Give. Me. Your. Phone."

"Give it to him!" Some guy in the line yelled at her, eliciting grumbles from the rest of the crowd at the delay.

"Hurry up," Kitty was embarrassed.

Flustered, Rachel put her hand into her pocket and produced her phone. He couldn't take it, she thought. It was her safety rope, her lifeline. He was essentially denying her of a human right. What would she do while Kitty was attempting to seduce the band? It was hers. She needed it.

"You'll get it back when you leave," the guy drawled, with a semblance of understanding at her predicament.

"Okay," Rachel felt the loss acutely.

Without time to get her head around what she was getting herself into, the bouncer hauled her by the wrist and let her go, sending her careening into the room behind him. She lost her footing as the toe of her boot caught on something and she tripped, sprawling over the floor. Backing up on her haunches, she heard laughter and she knew the cackles were directed towards her. Her face flamed and as she lifted her head she came eye to denim-clad groin. She'd literally never been in this position before.

"Most girls tell me their name before they drop to their knees, darling," he mocked.

Instantly Rachel knew he was from the band. Not only from his words, but the arrogance behind his delivery was the tone of someone who was used to getting what he wanted.

He offered her a hand up and she took it gratefully, not at all expecting the strong, warm grip or the classically handsome features. Releasing her hand he propped up her chin with his thumb and forefinger so she'd meet his eyes. He searched her gaze, looking way too deeply into her eyes for two people who'd just met. His eyes dropped to her lips, but then he snatched his hand away.

"You're too sweet for me, sugar," he lamented and stalked off towards the bar. His touch had set off tiny explosions, blood rushing to wherever his hands had touched her flesh.

"Rachel!" Kitty tumbled into her, making Rachel feel each one of the bruises she'd gotten earlier, "Finn Hudson just talked to you! What did he say?"

"Nothing," murmured Rachel, looking for him again. He was watching her still.

"All right. You stay there and I'll get us drinks." Kitty disappeared, but Finn Hudson still had his eyes trained on her. It was a thrilling realisation. Turning away, Rachel noticed Kitty at the bar with her tongue down some guys throat. As she went to put out that fire, Rachel glanced over at Finn Hudson again. He was sitting on one of the couches, a beer between his knees. Some girl was holding his attention now, her hand placed strategically on his upper thigh.

Easy come, easy go. Rachel sighed to herself and went to rescue an ungrateful Kitty.


	2. Chapter 2

"Bad Kitty! Bad Kitty!"

Rachel realized how absolutely mad she sounded as her words echoed around the room. Her shrill tone caught attention despite the general merriment of everyone else there. She bit her lip, tilting her head in a silent apology to the people staring. Being the centre of attention was the last thing she wanted. She'd have preferred being invisible. Or not here at all. But she also didn't mean to ruin anything for anyone. Anyone besides Kitty, that was.

Pulling Kitty's arm to dislodge her mouth from the man it was currently fused to, Rachel glared at her friend.

Kitty was impatient with the interruption. "What do you want, Rachel?"

"I thought you were getting me a drink," replied Rachel, lamely searching for an excuse.

"Its an open bar, sweetheart," Kitty's man victim had his arm around her shoulders. He was openly mocking, "I think you can find your way over there on your own."

"But, uh, this girl, Kitty, she's, she's, uh, inexperienced." Rachel mentally slapped herself in the forehead. She had never actually experienced the if looks could kill phrase before but right now, if Kitty's blazing eyes were anything to go by, Rachel would've been sliced up in pieces with a chainsaw, had gasoline poured over her body and lit on fire with a single match strike.

"I guess she will be a fast learner then, won't she?"

Kitty's kisser didn't seem deterred, but Rachel felt defeated. She gave it one last shot. "Is this guy even in the band? I don't recognize him from the poster."

He stuck his hand out. "I'm Jake. Lead singer of Black Devils. We were the support act tonight. One that obviously didn't make a huge impression on you, huh."

Rachel blushed. She hadn't arrived in time to see the opening act. Despite herself, she lied, "I don't know much about music."

Kitty screwed her face up at Rachel as she let the lead singer drag her away. She turned away from them both. Out of sight, out of mind.

Retreating to a quiet, secluded corner, Rachel collected her thoughts. So what, she fumed pointlessly, so what if it happens. In her head she listed all the possible consequences for Kitty. She was sure someone famous would be a stickler for protection, at least Rachel hoped that was the case. And yeah, it might hurt a tiny bit. But it was to be expected. You didn't arrive at college a virgin completely clueless about sex, surely. Would Kitty have regrets? Well, Rachel knew she'd thought her first time was perfect. Until it wasn't and she shouldered some brutal disappointment. Even now, the whole experience bit at her, snapped at her self-confidence.

Keeping one eye on Kitty and Jake, Rachel leaned against the wall. Kitty was hanging all over Jake who didn't seem to mind the close contact one bit. He was suckling the spot underneath her ear eliciting loud giggles. Without breaking his mouth's contact with Kitty's neck, his laser pointer eyes glanced up and found Rachel, saluting her with his beer bottle. He de-suctioned his mouth from her neck to mouth words at Rachel.

It took Rachel a second for the slowly formed words to translate into her brain. _Come here, baby and you can have some too._

Feeling her eye twitch at his suggestion of joining him with her own friend for some weird kinky shit, Rachel turned away, refusing to watch his overt behavior. She was literally staring at the wall.

She tossed up ditching her friend, but it wouldn't have been right. Rachel was older than her, and obviously way more mature. She felt protective of the girl, which Kitty was obviously counting on. And with Kitty's interest in Jake being reciprocated she figured she was going to be here for a while.

Feeling like a wallflower, she reluctantly left the safety of the corner for the makeshift bar. The drinks were free and one couldn't hurt.

Plonking her bottom on the spinning stool, Rachel looked for the bartender. He was busy, rushing back and forth handing out dozens of beer to longhaired, tattooed fans.

"Excuse me," said Rachel. The bartender didn't stop. He didn't acknowledge her at all. "Hello, excuse me."

Frustrated, Rachel spun on the stool, turning her back on the bartender. Checking up on Kitty, Rachel saw that Jake had snagged himself another blonde. Having trading his beer in for a girl, Rachel noticed that Kitty didn't seem put out at all. Both girls were pulled into him and were chatting animatedly, while Jake shared kisses among them both. While not being particularly shocking, Rachel huffed out her annoyance at the whole weird situation and spun her chair back around to order a much needed drink.

The bartender was still ignoring her, but Rachel was going to win his attention eventually. And she didn't need her eyes to be assaulted by Jake, Kitty and random lady again so she stared at the bartender, willing him to look her way.

She felt the vibrations of someone take up residence on the stool next to hers but she didn't look at him until he spoke. "You're really worried about your friend there?"

She looked up at him. His dark brown eyes were melted chocolate, but it was the shape of his lips that drew her. He was the best looking man that had ever spoken to Rachel. He might not have had the all American good looks of Brody, or the classical Disney prince face of Jesse but men this handsome barely acknowledged her, unless Quinn was with her.

"If you're really worried about her you could still join them. I'm sure Jake won't object to one more. He is a more the merrier type of guy."

Rachel grimaced. "No. I don't think so."

He laughed and reached behind the bar to grab two bottles of beer, flipping the caps off. "You want one?" he handed it over and Rachel took it gratefully.

"Yes please." He clinked their bottles together and watched as she took a giant swig, letting it burn down her throat. It wasn't what she would've chosen. She probably would've asked for a coke or water, but she took what she could get. Beggars couldn't be choosers and the bartender had studiously ignored her.

He had dropped the suggestive rock star persona he'd first addressed her with and assessed Rachel, easily. "You don't want to be here."

"No," she was defensive, because, well, he was in the band and she didn't want to offend him, "No. Yes, okay, this wouldn't be my first choice for a Friday night. But its not what it seems like."

"Why did you come backstage? You don't seem charmed with my band. Or our music," he added but didn't sound offended though.

"No, I," Rachel didn't want to give him her initial thoughts because she hadn't minded some of the latter songs. And she didn't even get to hear the end because Kitty pulled her out. "I don't like my friend tricking me."

"Did you have high hopes she was going to surprise you with Broadway tickets and you ended up in the pits of heavy metal hell," he teased.

Her eyes widened. He might've hit too close to home. "No. I knew it was this concert. I didn't know the band. But that would've been fine," Rachel waved it away with a hand gesture. "I didn't know we were going backstage. I didn't know she was a virgin. I didn't know she had plans to seduce rock stars."

"Ah." He massaged his temple with his free hand. "That does sound like a bit to take in. Why are you here though? You could've just left?"

"Turns out, I cant say no." Rachel sighed.

"You are a good friend."

"I'm not sure about that. She's new to New York. She's very young."

"And you feel responsible for her?"

"Yes!" Rachel was surprised he understood. "I'm her R.A. So I _am_ responsible for her."

He was thoughtful. "R.A? That means resident advisor, doesn't it. This sure as hell doesn't look like her residence. Unless she enjoys too many empty beer bottles and couches as premium décor."

She laughed and he smiled. His teeth were straight and white and one side of his mouth lifted higher than the other when he smiled. He was gorgeous.

Rachel forgot to breathe, gulping down the rest of her beer. Kitty had terrible taste in rock stars. She'd choose Jake over this guy. What was his name again? He was attentive and smart and his face was god-like.

"Do you want another drink?"

Rachel felt lightheaded. "Sure, but not beer, please."

"Ryder," he shouted at the bartender, "Get this lady a coke."

Rachel felt like she'd won a small victory when the bartender handed over her coke. She bit the top of the straw, triumphantly, while slowly sipping the sugary liquid. She could get used to that kind of service.

"So, I'm Finn. What's your name?"

"Rachel. I'm Rachel." He shook he hand slowly, turning it over in his. His hands dwarfed hers. His drumming callouses grazed against her smooth palms. Their handshake bought him near and Rachel reveled in the smell of his sweat. It shook her up a bit to think that she liked the scent. Cologne, and freshly washed skin were the only times she could recall liking the smell of a guy. It turned her upside down.

"So, Rachel, your friend's idea to sleep with one of us isn't exactly new. Or inventive."

"Oh." Rachel tired to imagine how often this beautiful man was propositioned. _Very. A lot. Always._

"That girl," Finn indicated the one who had been sitting next to him on the couch. The girl Rachel had forgotten about in her Kitty induced panic. She was relaxed in the same sofa cushions, but was reclining on a different band member now. "She was insistent I take her to bed."

"Oh." Rachel was dumbstruck because Finn was leaning into her. He rested his head against the crown of her head, his damp hair tickling her forehead, the closeness required to keep their conversation private.

"She wanted something similar to your friend. People tend to think we are like DJ's. Always willing to play on request."

Rachel was hypnotized by his words, even if they did sound a little bitter.

He whispered against Rachel's ear, his lips brushing against her, the words tickling her skin. "She wanted me in her ass."

"Oh my god." Rachel half jumped, half fell off her stool, sliding to the ground, kept on her feet through Finn's quick thinking. He grabbed her waist keeping her upright. Her coke splashed from the bottle, the stickiness hitting her hand.

"Too far," he smirked.

Rachel didn't want to appear as startled as she felt. She had sex, exactly twice and this had never come up. Her brow furrowed as she searched to find a response that wouldn't make her seem naïve. She felt like he was being deliberate. Testing her. Recovering well, she thought, she countered with, "And that's not something you do?"

He looked impressed. "Not with groupies," he grinned. "Long term relationships, maybe."

With Finn still holding the upper hand, Rachel remembered while she was here. Kitty. Kitty's crazy request.

The room had cleared out and Kitty was nowhere to be found. Panicking, Rachel pulled on Finn's shirt, "I can't see Kitty. I can't see Jake."

"Calm down, Rachel. We'll find them." Finn rubbed circles on Rachel's back, but she was too freaked to focus on how good his warm palm felt through the material of her sweater or how composed he was in her crisis.

"Hey, Puck," he yelled, "Did you see where Jake went?"

Leering Puck replied, "He found three blonde hotties ready to ride his dick. Where the fuck did you think he went?"

Turning to Rachel, Finn looked into her eyes. "I think he has probably gone back to the hotel. He has probably taken her back to our suite. Would you like to come back with me?"

"Yes."

It was a scary thought that Rachel knew she would've had the same answer even if she didn't want to rescue Kitty from making a mistake.


	3. Chapter 3

"You pull off rock chick pretty well, you know."

"Huh?" Rachel didn't mean to be rude but her head was spinning. Once her phone had been safely returned to her possession, Finn had gathered her up in a fireman lift and carried her out of the backstage venue. Manoeuvring her body around like she was his, he'd easily thrown her over his shoulder like she weighed nothing and deposited her gently onto the backseat of a limousine. Rachel was unsure whether to feel flattered or like a sack of potatoes. Her feminist principles were protesting while her feminine sensibilities sang an aria.

"Too many cameras," he'd murmured, by explanation, his lips pressed against her ear as he ushered her into her seat. Rachel understood the desire to keep her face away from the cameras, but she despaired at having her butt hoisted up on his shoulder taking centre stage. Would her butt make the entertainment pages, she thought, horrified, imagining how her father's would feel about such a undignified starring role.

Photographer flashes tore through the night like lightening, bouncing off the windows and Rachel was thankful for the dark tint. She sat across from Finn on a diagonal, putting as much room as possible between them. Rachel still felt like the space was too small, the air was too thick.

"I said, you are really pulling off the rock chick look."

Trying to gauge the state of her face in the glass reflection, Rachel was aghast. "I must be completely disheveled."

Finn studied her for what seemed to be an inordinately unnecessary period of time. Rachel felt her face flame with his careful assessment.

"Your eye goop is smudgy and your hair is trying to escape the knotty thing you've trapped it in but it suits you."

"That doesnt sound like a good thing," Rachel smarted at his observation, trying to discreetly run her fingertips under her lashes to rid herself of the black eyeliner Quinn had painstakingly applied. She smoothed the hair tie from her high ponytail and let her hair fall around her face.

"Fuck Rachel, it's a great thing. You might've just reached peak rock chick. The swishy hair shit nailed it."

"No guy wants a girl who looks like a skunk," Rachel retorted. "And my hair is a mess."

"Actually, Rachel, not all guys want the same thing. Not all girls want the same thing. Which is pretty god damn great."

Rachel felt throughly rebuked.

"Like your friend," Finn suggested with a tongue in cheek tone. Rachel knew exactly what he was referring to.

"I hardly think even Kitty, despite her headstrong attitude won't regret her first time being a rock star orgy."

"Don't knock it 'til you try it." Finn smirked as Rachel shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"I'd prefer not," Rachel said, knowing how prissy she seemed, before admitting, "It's just not me."

"You know what?" Finn said, thoughtfully, "It's not me either. I mean, yeah, at the start the fame thing with girls throwing themselves at you, you take those opportunities. It's kinda like a massive ego boost and after a first time like mine, where it didn't mean anything, we were drunk and practically strangers, it was something I totally needed but nah, I found out it's not me."

Rachel listened intently, and enjoyed some common ground with a famed drummer, "First times suck, don't they?"

Finn considered Rachel, and with his head tilted thoughtfully, he said, "You think it might have something to do with the pressure? Everyone builds it up. It has to be love. It has to be romantic. It has to be perfect." Finn words were drawn out, like love and romance and perfection were either impossible or impossibly boring.

"Too much pressure," Rachel agreed. "But what's worse is when it was perfect and then you find out it's a lie."

"That sounds really bad, Rachel. You didn't get filmed and go viral, did you? Because that has happened and I really hope that didn't happen to you."

"No, nothing that dramatic. I mean, my first time was with my boyfriend. And it was romantic. And I loved him. He loved me. Still loves me."

"I don't understand. I thought we were talking sucky first times." Finn leaned forward, engaged with Rachel's experience, invested.

"He loves me like a friend," Rachel sighed, "It happened once and he realised he wasn't 'into' girls. He told me he had to picture me as Ryan Gosling for it to even happen."

"Oooof," Finn acted out a knock out slow motion punch to his chiseled jaw. "That admission seems extremely unnecessary. Brutal."

"No, we were adamant that our relationship would be transparent and total honesty was mandatory."

"No offence, Rachel but that sounds really dumb." Finn reached over and gently squeezed her fingers before taking his hand away. "Your total transparency ruined an experience that could have always been a nice memory for you. Not perfect but nice. Which is all anyone can really ask for."

"You're not suggesting he should have been dishonest about who he is?"

"Fuck, no," Finn was affronted, "Everybody should be free to be who they are. But he could've been slightly delicate. That hit to your ego would've stung and it didn't need to."

"It was fine." Rachel felt tears well in her eyes and she blinked them away, resting her cheek on the cool, dark window. The coolness was calming and the breathing techniques she'd learned performing centred her.

Rachel knew she shouldn't be upset but she couldn't help feeling bitter, because despite his penchant for the truth, Jesse's honesty had come too late and she'd paid the price for his confusion. But Rachel told herself she was being ridiculous because Jesse couldn't help his confusion. And she knew his secret had caused him pain too. She'd processed this already and accepted that there was no blame. So, her first sexual partner hadn't found her attractive, who cares? One day someone would.

"Rachel, stop. You're beautiful."

"What?"

"I can see your brain turning. You are obvious." Finn smiled at Rachel warmly.

"I'm not though."

"You're not what?" Finn's brow furrowed.

"I'm not obvious. I've never been obvious. I'm an arts major. An actor. And I'm certainly not beautiful." Rachel had never been called obvious. She was closed up if anything. Frigid even. People found her difficult to read. People found her difficult, full stop. Not Finn, though.

"Nah," Finn's smile was beaming, "I see you. I see through you. And you are beautiful."

"Where? Where am I beautiful? And how?" Rachel's question were whispered.

Finn traversed the distance between them so their knees pressed together. He placed his palm flat against her sweater, directly over where he imagined her heart to be. Rachel felt his earnestness radiate thick like treacle and understood what he meant. "I see it here. In your concern for your friend. In your self doubt. In your forgiveness."

Rachel thought that was fine. Disappointed, she knew there was no shame in having a beautiful heart. She could deal with that.

"And I see it here," Finn's calloused palm grazed her cheek and it remained there while he said, "The colour of your eyes. The shape of your nose. The symmetry of your lips."

He closed the distance between their faces and pressed his lips against hers, invading her space. His lips were soft while his mouth was impossibly hard and insistent. Rachel had always enjoyed a well structured argument and his evidence punctuated by a kiss was throughly convincing. It was confident without being cocky, all about building and tension.

He pulled away to gauge her reaction and she'd honestly felt the world stop turning.

"We've stopped moving," he said and she realised he was being literal. The car had come to a standstill. She saw the bright street lights and the hotel looming.

Finn rapped on the window. "Pull her round back, please," he asked. The car started moving again. Rachel felt the dreamy atmosphere created by their openness dissolve as Finn's smile turned slightly more generic. Business like.

"Let's go rescue your friend."


End file.
